Well Miss lady, you not alone with having a difficult parent nah.
I have one too, and I too have given up on trying to communicate. To me is like they don't hear anything other than themselves, or they jus choose not too. However, spiritually, I have discerned a sort of block over the ears, I guess that is what GOD meant by having ears they do not hear.
There is not real solution to this, other than keep Christ Love. A love that will translate into tolerance. All I will say is keep calm and be stubborn to your mother's stubborness.
When I try to help people, i often offer a creative example of how you can go about doing it. Today will not be different ha ha ha.
Jus hear me out. If she insists on having her way, jus agree verbally but do what you and your husband have agreed to.
SO if she says, "Merissa this is what you'll must do," then you say " ok mummy that is sounds good but this is the way we decided."
Then she might say, " allyuh mad oui," then you say something like,"ok then let mad ppl be."
Now i am not encouraging insolence or disrespect, but you have to get under the skin of a controlling person without trying to get under their skin. I hope You understand.
Just by virtue of your unwillingness to let words upset you and keeping cool, calm and patient, that controlling wicked spirit will become aggitated. So aggitate it out of her. jus keep calm,and maybe give the impression like you will do as she says, but then do the opposite of what she wants or rather the unified decision between you and your husband. Your mother must understand that she needs to let you opperate in a marriage as GOD intended, and she must find a life of her own, let her little girl go.