You sound very desperate, disillusioned, depressed, damaged and dangerous right now. You captioned your note 'being real', but i want you to be truthful. Did you make a promise at the altar to be in this covenant for better or for worse,until death separate you both? Read Ecclesiates 5 and you will recognize the power of the vow. If you a truly a child of God, then you need to seek wise counsel from one who is truly hearing from God. Seek it as soon as possible, lest the bitterness gets you sick or makes you do something stupid. There is a solution to that problem. The truth is are you willing to follow the instructions? Were there any objections from people in authority in your life concerning the marriage? i am sensing that there was a measure of defiance in the process. Above all else, though, you need to stop condemning yourself for what you obviously now regard as a major mistake you made in marrying your husband. However, you need to forgive him, yourself and God for not stopping you at the time. God could not have stopped it becaues it was a decision you both made. You need to surrender your will back to God as the staring point to your restoration. as for your husband, God will meet him in the pig pen and give him a reality check. Are you ready for that? It may not be as easy as you think! Just keeping it real, as you say!
Subject: being real 
Fri Dec 08, 2006 6:50 pm